Dear Husband, Get A Vasectomy.

Chances are, if you clicked on this post, you are or have been in this boat, you're looking for a good laugh or both. Either way, here you go...

Sex changes after you have kids. No one wants to talk about it, but it does. It changes even more when you know you are done having kids. It changes even more than that when the thought of becoming pregnant again terrifies you and you are done jamming yourself with birth control pills, patches, shots, and implants all in the name of having carefree sex.

When you reach that point in your relationship, typically you have a conversation with your partner and come to an agreement that he goes in for the snip. Unfortunately, for some of us, it's not that simple.

​Some of us wind up with partners that are "too scared", feel like their manhood is being taken, or whatever their excuse may be, but they will complain on the regular about how sex isn't the same or how it isn't as often as they'd like, but are completely unwilling to do anything about it. This post is for YOU.

DEAR HUSBAND...

Dear Husband,

Get a vasectomy. 

For the love of God, just do it. 

Maybe you've been there, maybe you haven't, but let me tell you, being with someone that refuses to have a vasectomy when you are 400,765,965% sure you're done having children is no easy feat. 

In my humble opinion, the best part is when they complain about sex not being the same or lack thereof, when they have complete control over this. Truth be told, the thought of getting pregnant again scares the ever loving shit out of me, so subconsciously I go into "whatever I have to do to make sure that never happens again" mode.

You've had the privilege of "blowing loads", as you call it (anyone else's husband this classy? I know, I've got a keeper 🤣), for a whopping 12 years. That's 12 whole years of carefree (for the most part) sex. 

Throughout that 12 years, I was stuffing my body with birth control pills, shots, and patches, all to make sure that you could have the sexual satisfaction that you so desired (I know, I know. I did too, but this is about you. I did my part). I'm 35. I'm done. No more pills. This is your turn to take the reigns of responsibility where our family planning is concerned. 

Amidst those 12 years of sexual bliss, I've managed to nourish, house, and grow 2 of our children in this body. 

Aside from ridiculously uncomfortable Pap Smears and exams that occur once a month during pregnancy, I have suffered from sciatica, plantar fasciitis, and a plethora of other ailments that come along with pregnancy.

I've endured contractions. I've endured needles being stuck in me over and over again while being induced. I've endured epidurals. My vagina stretched the size of an entire bagel to squeeze out 2 babies that YOU created with me. I'm left with stretch marks, which I like to refer to as my tiger stripes, and our last pregnancy left a sweet extra 12 pounds on me that legiterally WILL. NOT. GO. AWAY.

I still wouldn't complain about ANY of it... until you start complaining about a vasectomy, that is.

So, forgive me when I cannot even take you seriously when your fear of a 15 minute outpatient procedure makes me literally LOL. Forgive me when I can't understand your hesitation to take accountability for your own role in our sex life to make it thebomb(dot)com again. Honestly, it has me wondering how men are regarded by many as a superior species or pillars of strength because, in all reality, it's rather weak of you. ​

Sincerely,
Your Human Life Growing, Superhuman Child Birthing, Warrior Badass Wife

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